The Holy Spirit wants to control every area of your life. When we are “filled with the Spirit,” He will be in total control of our lives. That is the clear teaching of Ephesians 5:18.
Paul has already written about The Spirit-Filled Marriage, Eph. 5:22-32. Now he writes about Spirit-Filled Homes. Here, we will learn a little more about the relationship between children and their parents. This is an important teaching that every family needs to hear.
Let’s look at these verses today and talk about Spirit-Filled Homes. Notice two relationships in the home that must be Spirit-filled if the home is to bring glory to God.
I. V. 1-3 THE SPIRIT-FILLED CHILD
These verses give two commands to those still under their parent’s care.
• Verse 1, children are commanded to “obey your parents.”
• In Verse 2, children are commanded to “honor your father and mother.”
A. v. 1 Child Are To Heed Their Parents – God’s first command to “children” is to “obey your parents.” Obedience has to do with action, and honor has to do with attitude. The word translated “children” does not refer to young children but all offspring. Sons and daughters still under their parents’ roof obey and honor them.
Although, as Paul has just mentioned, men and women are no longer under the authority of their parents once they marry, Eph. 5:31, particular respect and concern for their parents should continue as long as they live. The child brought up to obey and honor his parents will always be sensitive to their wisdom, counsel, and welfare.
Children are to obey their parents. The word translated “obey” means “to hear under.” It is a picture of children who submit themselves to the will of their parents by obeying them in all things. It means that you listen and follow their directions. You do what they tell you to do.
We are born with a black drop of rebellion in our hearts. By nature, we don’t want to obey. There is something within that doesn’t want to do that.
You can tell your child not to do something. They may never have even thought about doing what you told them not to do, but as soon as you tell them not to do it, there arises something in their hearts that makes them want to do exactly that. If you tell them not to touch that vase on the table, they will look at it as they have never seen it before. The moment you tell them not to touch that vase, something inside them will make them want to touch that vase. There is something natural in us that wants to rebel when we are told to obey. Children, the Bible says to “obey your parents.”
Two reasons in verse 1 tell children why they are to “obey.”
• It’s the spiritual thing to do. The Bible says, “in the Lord.” When a child obeys their parents, it is a way of serving the Lord. Obedience to one’s parents honors the Lord.
The phrase “in the Lord” also implies a limit on what parents can command children to do. No child should have to do what their parents tell them to do if what they are commanded to do violates the commands of the Lord. The commandments of the Lord always come first.
This phrase also reminds us that parents stand in the gap between children and God while they are too young to have a whole and mature relationship with God themselves. Parents are God’s stewards, His proxy authority, for their children, who are loaned to them in trust by their heavenly father. That is why children are commanded, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord,” Col. 3:20. The only exception to that obedience is in the matter of doing what is wrong. As taught in Scripture, every believer should refuse to do anything clearly against God’s will. Otherwise, however, a child obeys their parents “in all things.“
• It is an ethical thing to do. “For this is right.” Obedience to parents is simply the right thing to do. It is far too common to see children talking back to their parents; rolling their eyes when they are told to do something; or pitching a fit when they don’t get their way. Nothing is pleasing or honorable about that kind of behavior. It dishonors the Lord.
The most outstanding example of obedience to parents in the Bible is the Lord Jesus Christ. When Jesus came back down from the temple at the age of 12, the Bible says in Luke 2:41, “Jesus went down with them and came to Nazareth and was subject unto them. But his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.”
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, was subject to Mary and Joseph! Think about that! What a thought! Here is the Son of God, the Lord of Glory, the Creator of the universe. Yet, He came down and was obedient and subjected Himself to a carpenter and his wife.
If the Lord Jesus Christ was obedient to His parents, the Bible teaches we should be obedient to our parents as well. Respect for parents is of such importance to God that Moses commanded, “And he that smiteth his father, or his mother shall be surely put to death,” Ex. 21:15, and “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death,” Ex. 21:17. A parent’s physical or verbal abuse was a capital offense in ancient Israel. It is a serious matter to the Lord. Since that is the case, perhaps we should take it seriously too.
B. v. 2 Children Are To Honor Their Parents – The word “honor” carries the idea of “value.” It means that children are “to respect them; to value them; to hold them in high regard.” There is nothing more ugly, displeasing, and obnoxious than a disrespectful child to his parents. Honor your father and mother.
You say, “You don’t know my parents. They aren’t worthy of my honor.” There may be times when you are ashamed of your parents. There may be times when they embarrass you. There may be times when you don’t want to do what they say. The best thing you can do, regardless of how they may act from time to time, is to honor your parents. God will bless you because of it.
As I said, the most remarkable example of a child honoring a parent is the Lord Jesus. When He was dying on the cross of Calvary, the Lord Jesus paused long enough to take care of His precious mother, Mary.
Children go through four stages in their relationship with their parents.
– First, you idolize your parents. There is nothing they can’t do. They are perfect in your eyes.
– Second, you demonize your parents. You come to see that they aren’t as perfect as you thought they were. They are the source of every problem. They are the reason for every difficulty you experience.
– Third, you utilize your parents. You figure out that you are sticking with them and use them to meet your own needs. “Dad, could I have the keys to the car?” “Mom, would you wash and iron this shirt for me?“
– Fourth, you humanize your parents. You recognize that they are not gods, they are not demons, they are not just people to be used. You recognize they are human beings just like you, and they make mistakes. They blow it along the way.
At some point, you have to come to the place where you forgive your parents for their failures; you have to come to the place where you stop blaming your behavior on mistakes your parents made in the past.
Children who honor their parents are given a tremendous promise. “Honor your father and mother that it may be well with thee, and you may live long on the earth.” You know situations where that didn’t happen. Children honored their parents, and the children got tragically killed. I use Jesus as an example again. Jesus Christ perfectly obeyed His parents. Jesus Christ perfectly honored His parents. Yet, the Lord Jesus Christ died at the very height of His life, at the zenith of His young adult life.
God is not giving us an ironclad guarantee. God is saying that, as a general rule, you will tend to live a longer, better life if you obey and honor your parents.
– If the parents say don’t touch the stove, you obey, and you don’t burn your hand.
– If they say don’t run out into the street, you obey, and you may avoid getting killed by a car.
If your parents say don’t touch alcohol and drugs, you obey, and you may live a longer life and not have addictions along the way.
– If you listen to mom and dad when you are in courtship, you will be less likely to get into trouble.
If you have godly parents trying to lead you on the right path, you should be thankful that God has blessed you! It wouldn’t hurt some of you boys and girls to tell your parents that you are thankful for them. If you have a mother and dad who have brought you to God’s house today, and if they are trying, then you have a great deal to be thankful for.
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