Ephesians 5:22-33
A couple celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary in their seventies. Ted, the husband, had lost much of his hearing. They were together and celebrating the anniversary. The family came from all over to celebrate with Ted and Bessie. Finally, toward sundown, all the family went home.
Bessie and Ted decided to walk out on the front porch, sit down on the swing, and watch the sunset. The old gentleman pulled his tie loose, leaned back, and didn’t say much.
Bessie looked at the husband in wonder and said to him, “You know, Ted, I’m real proud of you.”
The old gentleman turned and looked at her rather quizzically and after a moment said, with a puzzled look on his face, “Well, Bessie, I’m tired of you too!”
Sadly, far too many marriages reach that same place. The husband and the wife get tired of one another and go their separate ways. That is not God’s ideal for marriage.
I. THE BEDROCK OF A STRONG MARRIAGE
Psalm 127:1 says, “Except the LORD build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” This verse teaches us the truth that every endeavor in life must be based on a relationship with God. Being rightly related to the Lord Jesus brings a divine dimension to marriage.
Over 50% of all marriages in our nation fall apart because of debt, infidelity, and lost interest in the other partner, among other factors.
No marriage is immune from these upheavals. However, a marriage that stands on the bedrock of a strong relationship with Jesus Christ can weather any storm and be everything God designed marriage (Luke 6:47-49.)
II. THE BASICS OF A STRONG MARRIAGE
Several non-negotiable essentials are pillars in every robust and spiritual marriage outlined below.
A. Love – Eph. 5:25, 28 – When we speak of love, we are not talking about the kind of love portrayed in Hollywood. Movies and television depict love as nothing more than sexual desire. While the sexual relationship within the context of marriage is significant, 1 Cor. 7:1-5, it flows from a deeper, more spiritual kind of love.
Paul describes the kind of love we are talking about in 1 Cor. 13:4-6. A closer look at love’s character is in order here.
• v. 4 Suffereth Long – This word means “patient endurance even when provoked, long-tempered.” Love does not retaliate!
• v. 4 Is Kind – This word refers to active goodness. It is never hateful or means. Love is kind in words and actions.
• v. 4 Envieth Not – True love is not jealous. When others prosper or excel, love is pleased.
• v. 4 Vaunteth Not Itself – Literally, this phrase means “does not make a parade.” Love does not brag! It does not draw attention to itself or to what it is doing.
• v. 4 Is Not Puffed Up – Love is not arrogant or proud. It does not demand to be number one.
• v. 5 Does Not Behave Itself Unseemly – Love is never rude, but it always treats others with compassion, consideration, and respect!
• v. 5 Seeketh Not Her Own – True love is never selfish and self-centered, but it is actively interested in what will profit others. It never looks at itself first, but it always considers another ahead of itself.
• v. 5 Is Not Easily Provoked – True Love keeps no record of evils done to it, but it willingly endures all slights and injuries. It is not irritable.
• v. 5 Thinketh No Evil – “takes no worthless inventory” Two thoughts are in mind here. First, genuine love does not attribute evil motives to people. Second, genuine love does not keep a record of evils done to it. It doesn’t hold a grudge.
• v. 6 Rejoiceth Not In Iniquity – Love does not rejoice in sin.
• v. 6 Rejoiceth In The Truth – It rejoices when the truth is proclaimed and when truth wins the victory. Love is glad when truth wins the day! Love is glad for the truth, even when the truth hurts.
This kind of love is mutual. The husband is commanded to love his wife with every fiber of his being, Eph. 5:25; 28, 31. The wife is commanded to love her husband, Titus 2:4. A home filled with love is a home filled with the essence of Heaven!
B. Loyalty – Eph. 5:31 speaks of the law of “leaving and cleaving.” When a man and woman are married, there is a fundamental shift in their relationships with others. It was what God expected from Adam and Eve, Gen. 2:24, and He expects the same from husbands and wives. The word “joined” means “to be glued.” It is the idea of two things being bonded together not to be torn apart. It is a solid and deep bond. This kind of loyalty is spelled out in 1 Cor. 13:7. Look at the characteristics of true loyalty.
• Beareth all things – There is loyalty even when things are tough. It doesn’t walk out in the day of trouble.
Loyalty does not abandon the fort.
• Believeth all things – Loyalty believes in one’s mate. It trusts them.
• Hopeth all things – Loyalty never looks for the worst in them but only believes the best.
• Endureth all things – Loyalty sticks it out.
C. Respect – Mutual respect is fundamental for any marriage that expects long-term success. Let’s consider passages that speak about this matter.
• Eph. 5:22-24 – Men love to hang these verses over the heads of their wives and demand that they fall before them in obedience. Some women feel those verses make the wife inferior to the husband. Neither interpretation is correct.
God does not mean the husband to be a dictator but a leader in the home. The godly wife follows the husband willingly and humbly. A leader will give an account of his leadership to God.
The word “submit” means “to arrange under.” The genuinely spiritual wife recognizes God’s order in the home as God’s order in the church, having Jesus as the head.
• Eph. 5:28-29 – Believer willingly submits to the Lordship of Jesus. He understands Jesus gave Himself lovingly to save him. The believer responds by submitting to Him. When the husband loves His wife unconditionally, she will submit to him.
Some wives find it difficult to submit. The scripture says wives “submit” irrespective of their aloofness. Your spouse might be a sinner. You have the duty of submission, though in the Lord.
1 Pet. 3:1-6 Your wife will likely follow your lead if she knows you love her with every fiber of your being.
• Verses 28-29 teach us that the husband loves his life like he loves his flesh. Husbands are to “nourish” their wives, and they are to “cherish” their wives. Let’s consider these two words for a moment.
– To Nourish – “Is to bring to maturity.” A godly husband helps his wife to reach her fullest potential in God. He helps her grow by meeting her needs and being an encouragement to her life.
– To Cherish – “Is to soften with heat.” The husband is to give tender love to his spouse. It is the primary “want and need” of most women. They need to feel loved, and they crave special attention. They need time, attention, and a sense of security. A loving husband can quickly provide all these things to his wife.
• 1 Pet. 3:7 calls the woman the “Weaker vessel.” This phrase refers to “a vessel that is delicate and of immense value.” It refers to something that is “to be handled with love and tender care“! It does not mean that she is inferior and weak.
D. Faithfulness – Eph. 5:31 speaks of the bond between the husband and the wife. It is a bond that can only exist between two people. There is no room in the marriage relationship for a third party. Our relationship with our spouse is one of absolute faithfulness, both physically and emotionally. Adultery is a sin regardless of the form it takes, Ex. 20:14; Matt. 5:28
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